There’s a unique moment in life—often in our 50s and early 60s—when we find ourselves in what I call “The Big Squeeze.” It’s the point where we are at the pinnacle of our careers, making an impact in our fields, contributing to our communities, and feeling the rewards of decades of experience. But at the same time, we are stretched in two directions—pulled by the responsibilities of guiding our adult children while also supporting our aging parents. It is a balancing act filled with joys, pressures, and stresses that require patience, wisdom, and an incredible amount of grace.

Just as we hit our professional and personal stride, our children—now in their 20s and 30s—are going through some of the most pivotal moments of their lives. They are establishing careers, navigating relationships, buying homes, and, for many, becoming parents themselves. It’s an exciting time, but it’s also fraught with uncertainty, financial pressures, and self-doubt.

As parents, we find ourselves in a new role—not as the hands-on caregivers we once were, but as coaches, mentors, and supporters. They may call us in moments of crisis or frustration, seeking guidance on how to balance work and family, how to handle financial decisions, or simply looking for reassurance that they’re doing things right.

But here’s the challenge: we must be present without overstepping. Unlike when they were children and needed direct instruction, our adult children need space to figure things out. We have to fight the urge to take over and instead offer wisdom with subtlety, encouragement with respect, and advice only when truly welcomed.

At the same time, the arrival of grandchildren brings an entirely new dimension of joy—and responsibility. We delight in their laughter, in watching our children become parents, and in sharing family traditions. But we must also balance our involvement, stepping in when needed but never undermining our children’s roles as parents.

While we guide our children and cherish our grandchildren, another equally demanding challenge emerges—caring for our aging parents. Many of us are now watching our once-strong and independent parents enter their 70s, 80s, and beyond, facing the realities of aging.

They may still believe they can manage everything on their own, but the truth is, the world around them has changed. Technology has evolved beyond their comfort level. Financial and medical decisions have become more complex. And, most critically, their physical health may be declining in ways they don’t fully recognize—or don’t want to admit.

We now face the same challenges they once faced with their own parents—figuring out how to provide support without stripping away their dignity and independence. We help with doctor’s appointments, finances, and technology while ensuring they still feel in control of their own lives. And just as our children sometimes resist our guidance, our parents may do the same. “I don’t need help.” “I’ve been doing this my whole life.” “Things were fine the way they were.” These are phrases we hear often. And so, we must approach them with patience and love—just as we hope our own children will do for us someday.

One of the greatest challenges of The Big Squeeze is recognizing that each generation experiences life differently.

• Our grandchildren’s world is vastly different from our children’s—dominated by digital connections, rapid change, and evolving social norms.
• Our children’s world is different from ours—marked by economic pressures, work-life balance struggles, and a redefinition of success.
• Our world is different from that of our parents and grandparents, who grew up in a simpler yet sometimes harsher reality shaped by different expectations and values.

Understanding this generational gap is key to handling these relationships with grace and thoughtfulness. Instead of resisting change or expecting things to be done “our way,” we must step back and place ourselves in each generation’s shoes.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressures of supporting both our grown children and our aging parents while also maintaining our careers, health, and personal lives. But this is the challenge of a maturing and evolving society. People are living longer, families are more complex, and roles are constantly shifting.

The key is to approach it all with love, patience, and perspective.

• For our children, we must remember what it was like to be in their shoes—juggling career, family, and financial stress—and offer support without judgment.
• For our parents, we must recall how they cared for their own elders and find ways to give them freedom while ensuring their safety and security.
• For ourselves, we must acknowledge that we, too, will one day rely on others—and the example we set now will shape how we are cared for in the future.

At the end of the day, The Big Squeeze is not a burden—it is a privilege. It means we have lived long enough to play this crucial role in our families. It means we are surrounded by love, responsibility, and purpose.

And with the right mindset, we can navigate it with wisdom, gratitude, and grace.